Rosewood Fellowship

Both Hands Up

Melvin Bontrager·October 24, 2009·1 Peter 2:11·41:16

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Believers are called to live as pilgrims and strangers in a world at enmity with God, grounding that life in genuine repentance. Drawing on Charles Finney, Gypsy Smith, and A.W. Tozer, the preacher warns against shallow conversions that leave the roots of sin untouched.

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[00:00:00] This audio sermon is provided by AnabaptistSermons.com and may be freely copied and distributed. You may not sell or edit this sermon. Our prayer is that you would be blessed by this ministry. Greetings in the precious name of Jesus. May we be true pilgrims until we are delivered from the presence of this evil world. I'm just going to read the few verses again that are here in the New Testament about pilgrims and strangers. [00:00:37] The first one in 1 Peter 2 verse 11. Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul. And then in Hebrews 11 in verse 13. After that we have all these people named who were living by faith and died, yeah, they died in faith, not the faith as we know it yet, as the Old Testament way was. [00:01:10] and the things that they went through in victory and then it says in verse 13 these all died in faith not having received the promises but having seen them afar off and were persuaded of them and embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth for they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country. I like the German. [00:01:42] Verse 14 of the German says then, Die Seuches sagen, die geben zu verstehen, dass sie ein Vaterland suchen. Does that mean anything? It's a fatherland, not just a country, but it's the land, the country or the place of our fathers. And that's home. This isn't, this isn't my home, it's not your home. Those who die, we sorrow for them when they leave. When my first wife died, it seemed to me like the end of the world had come. [00:02:13] It seemed like everything had to stop, but it didn't. But anyhow, we go through things like that and we think it's so hard to see our friends go, but they went home. We're the ones who aren't there yet. We are where we don't really belong, and they are where they belong. They are in the real, the true, the forever. And we're just going on here as pilgrims and strangers. Strangers in a strange land. [00:02:48] Why do so many people reach out into what we just heard tonight? The two, I thought again of how it's brought out in the lesson in this book on separation and nonconformity that we study at Bible schools. And the basis of what we're looking at in separation and nonconformity is built very much on the fact that there are two kingdoms [00:03:18] and that they are in conflict. A war to the end, to the death. They will never be reconciled. Never. And I thought Brother Daniel brought this out so well this evening. We're not trying to, like it was stated, I can't restate it that well, but we're not trying to convert the world. We are, yes, but not as the world. Bring them in, that's right. Praise the Lord. But why do people reach out there? [00:03:53] What's wrong? When I see the people that were in our youth group, and my relatives, and many people around us, the last years are just leaving the principles. It's all over. What do they want out there? Why aren't they satisfied with what we've been brought up with? With what the Bible teaches? I wonder what the judgment is going to reveal. So, when we all stand before the judge and God says that this word is going to judge us and people are leaving it here and there for something else, not better, but something else. [00:04:43] So if people look like the world, and they think like the world, they act like the world in many ways, then where do they belong? What do you think? Are they of the world then, or are they of the kingdom that we are striving for? the two are at enmity with each other they are diametrically opposed [00:05:15] what does diametrical mean? opposite, completely opposite they are at enmity with each other whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God that's just the fact, that's how it is we can't be in both, a part of both Either we will love the one and hate the other, or at least kind of cleave to the one and despise the other. So that was the first lesson in our Bible school, was built on that fact that there are only two kingdoms and there is no middle road. [00:05:55] No one can be in between. We are going to be a part of one or the other. Everyone. There's no in-between. There's no middle road. And then lesson four is separation begins in the heart. Yeah. Separation begins in the heart. It's a heart matter. and if it's not in the heart [00:06:26] I've already said something like this that we need to be what we do to our people we need to be what we do and it doesn't make sense to some people I don't think when I make that statement but we need to be what we do okay, I'm doing this I'm wearing a separated garb so I need to be separated not just do it because it's a habit or something I've been taught all my lifetime but be what you do and express what you are because of the relationship with Jesus Christ. [00:06:57] It needs to be springing from the relationship with Jesus because we are pilgrims and strangers just traveling through a foreign land and we get stuck, get taken up with the things of this world and we do this like the little Hungarian boy's friend did, I forget his name, when he said that he thinks he had his priorities wrong and he thought that what was important, [00:07:31] he thought he had a wrong thought in his mind and he thought that these little things which are not at all important were most important. Okay, and how about us? Do we think that way sometimes? Alright, so, it begins in the heart. I was asking the question, why do people reach out there? Why doesn't the so-called conversion experience last? [00:08:07] Why doesn't it hold up? Why doesn't it hold out? Well, you'll need to keep praying. The waves are pretty high this evening. You know the waves I refer to when I step out of the boat. Well, there were two points I was especially thinking of to look at this evening. One was, maybe I could start by turning to 2 Corinthians chapter 12. So, the last verse, I'll have to read the last two verses in 2 Corinthians 12. [00:08:44] Paul said to the dear people there, For I fear lest when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not. Lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults, and lest when I come again, my God will humble me among you and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already and have not repented of the uncleanness [00:09:14] and the fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed. I've looked into verse 21 quite a bit and wondered about this word already. The German says, for those who have sinned before and have not done evil, those who sinned earlier. because people have not truly turned away from their sins [00:10:04] and so they'll go back in again, just like the sow back into wallowing in the mire until we have truly repented. And I don't know where all the fault lies for that. Maybe we are too shallow. Maybe we church leaders are too shallow. I don't know. Maybe we are too easy. Or maybe the gospel is not preached in its fullness. I don't know what the answers are to all this, but I think it's probably something also like Brother Daniel and I when we were young and we went from house to house with the, I think we had a booklet, I think I did at least, that was called something like Salvation or Saving Souls Made Easy. [00:10:46] Is that possible? Do you remember what that was? We had a book something like that. There was a time when we went to some houses and presented this one, two, three step of salvation. It has kind of bothered me already since then that I wondered where we left some of those people sitting. Where repentance is not a part of the gospel message even in many cases. Just love, love, love. Well, God does love us. That's the heart of our message. Would you just join me in prayer before we go on? [00:11:21] Father, we look to you. Help me to do that. We pray your blood and its authority over this meeting. And also over my own heart and my thoughts and my whole body, my whole being. We pray for the Holy Spirit's control of this service. And I pray God that you would strengthen my heart, my spirit. [00:11:58] And that you would wash me from myself. And just take charge of this service tonight. that there can be a blessing, a life by your Holy Spirit upon us all to strengthen us in our Christian life. Pray for your direction and your grace upon us all. [00:12:31] In Jesus' precious name. Amen. I was reading Simon Finney's book on true and false repentance and thought I'd just read a few of these thoughts that he expresses about what true and genuine repentance are. Maybe that's something that is missing. People have not truly repented. [00:13:04] What do you think about this? There must be a change of opinion in regard to sin, a change of opinion in regard to the nature of sin. To one who truly repents, sin looks like a very different thing from what it does to him who has not repented. Instead of looking like a thing that is desirable or fascinating, it looks the very opposite, most odious and detestable. And he is astonished at himself that he ever could have desired such a thing. [00:13:37] impenitent sinners may look at sin and see that it will ruin them because God will punish them for it but after all it still appears as desirable they still love it they roll it under their tongues if it could end in happiness they never would think of abandoning it but to the other it is different he looks at his own conduct as perfectly hateful he looks back upon it and exclaims how hateful, how detestable How worthy of hell such and such a thing was in me. [00:14:11] When someone is truly repented, there is no face-saving. No shifting of the blame. Like Eve. Like Adam. They were shifting the blame. Repentance won't do that. Repentance will be honest. There is nothing to lose. When I have repented of all my sin, there is nothing to lose. We are open and people don't need to be pushing and forcing confession from a person who has truly repented. [00:14:56] The persons who have repented are ready to speak and to teach against the very sin they were once guilty of. So we let people get by without truly repenting. A little bit more of what Finney writes. I would you should understand this point thoroughly. Here's the foundation of all those fits and starts in religion that you see so much of. People are awakened and convicted and by and by they get to hope and settle down and fault security and then away they go. [00:15:32] perhaps they may keep so far on their guard as not to be turned out of the church but the foundations of sin are not broken up and they return to their old ways the woman that loved dress loves it still and gradually returns to her ribbons and gigas the man who loved his money loves it yet and soon slides back into his old ways and dives into business and pursues the world as eagerly and devotedly as he did before he joined the church The real convert is least likely to fall into his old besetting sin because he abhors it most. [00:16:08] That's the thing we hate most of all. But if he is deceived and worldly minded, he is always tending back into the same sins. The woman that loves dress comes out again in all her glory and dashes as she is too. The fountain of sin was not broken up. Just a few more thoughts about repentance. Aspurious or not genuine repentance means aspurious or not genuine Christian life. [00:16:40] I think that true repentance is going to make the difference, the basic difference. Repentance is not conviction. We are under conviction before we repent, but conviction and repentance are not the same thing. Repentance is getting hold of that which is your curse by the hair of its head and tearing it out by the roots. It is the moral response of the awakened soul to the call of God, the home of the soul. [00:17:15] I have an example here that I would like to read of a case where Gypsy Smith was involved that has blessed me. I have heard evangelistic so-called messages where there is nothing in it but love, God's love. And there are times when that's the message that people need to hear. Maybe we people especially sometimes need that message more than anything else. But if there's no repentance of sin, there's no salvation, I don't think. [00:17:47] Anyway, Gypsy Smith was holding a meeting in Glasgow, Scotland. He noticed a man who frequently attended the meetings One night this man stayed until the people had left So Gypsy Smith went to speak to him and in his own words gives this narrative of what he learned that night I asked, you are concerned about your soul? I am, he replied And promptly I asked him, do you know what you have to do? Yes, I do This he said with conviction And I urged him to make the surrender While talking with him, I discovered a gentleman near us who was listening. [00:18:23] He came forward and asked, Will you let me speak to this brother? I answered, Yes. And he continued, I have heard a part of the conversation and I want to read to you, turning to my friend in the pew, a text. And he read John 3.16. Do you believe that? he asked. Yes, of course, a Scotsman believes that. The newcomer then read Romans 10.9. If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. [00:18:55] And asked again, Do you believe that? Of course I believe it. Next he read from John's epistle, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And then he was asked, Do you believe that, too? Yes, I believe that. Well, then you are a Christian. Is that right? Well, the Philippian jailer didn't do more than that, did he? All they said to the Philippian jailer was believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved. [00:19:32] I'm going to finish reading this account then, but I want us to think about that a little bit. When this Philippian jailer came to Paul and Silas, how did he come? What does the Bible say? He came trembling and fell down before them and he asked men or brethren, what must I do to be saved? He was in a state of repentance. He was coming back like the prodigal was. And that makes all the difference. When the prodigal came back, he came back to love. [00:20:03] He needed that message. But he came back after having come to his senses, come to himself. And he came back, like Donny Brenneman said at meetings in our church some years ago, with both hands up. You know what that means? I do, because before I was a Christian, I read a lot of comic books of Western counts, you know, shooting and killing and hunting robbers and all that kind of thing, and I knew what it meant when someone says, Both hands up! That's how Donny Branaman said that the prodigal came and that is how we need to come. [00:20:43] I am finished. I'm done. I'm through. I can't go on this way. All I want to be is one of your servants. I'm not worthy to be a son anymore. and he committed himself wholly to his father and his father in all his love just received him that's where love comes in, that's right but there must be repentance and the prodigal had repented with all his heart he was through, he was finished [00:21:15] you just do with me whatever you want to now if you think about it and our churches were full of people who had both hands up you do with me whatever you want to do I'm here for only one purpose I remember that's kind of what I went through as a young boy 20 years old when two of the girls in our youth group were killed just like that one of them was kind of a special friend of mine and some of you know exactly what I'm talking about I was pallbearer at the wedding [00:21:49] for the one, anyhow that's where I was at But I'm done. I don't care about anything anymore. I just want to be ready when Jesus comes, when my time comes to go. Well, anyway, so that's how we need to come. Well, I'm going to finish this. Then you are a Christian, said the man. My friend straightened himself up, looking at the man with the Bible and said, you are wrong, my friend. well but you believe that Christ died for you [00:22:20] yes you believe that he rose from the dead for your justification yes you believe that he is able to save you yes right on the spot well then you are saved no I'm not why do you make that out well you read three verses read Isaiah 55 7 also the man with the Bible turned to the passage and read let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts and let him return unto the Lord. Now stop, said my friend. [00:22:52] I am that wicked man. I am the unrighteous man and I have to forsake the sin and the wicked thoughts and I must come back from my own way to God's way. In my heart is sin. I'm hugging it. I am not willing to give it up. My own common sense tells me that I cannot be saved until I surrender. Here, Gypsy Smith said, this is the best sermon on repentance that I have ever heard in my life. I think of people who fell back, and I see that very thing in their lives. [00:23:27] They were rolling it under their tongues. You think back to some of the things, the expressions they made, the things that came up. They had not truly repented. So who is responsible for that? The Bible says God gives repentance, but the Bible also says that God commands all men everywhere to repent. So I think you and I are responsible to repent, to turn away from our sins. I have a story here that I'd like to read about that I think brings out what true repentance is. [00:24:00] It's going to take a few minutes, but it always touches my heart when I read this. Charles Finney preached a message entitled, His Blood Cleanses Us from All Sin. The blood of Jesus Christ, his son, cleanses us from all sin, emphasizing the all and declaring that there was no sin known to man, but what the blood of Christ could cleanse it away and free the sinner from its bondage. The next evening, as he came into the building, he was stopped by a hard-looking man, well-dressed, standing near the door, who said to him, [00:24:35] I heard you preach last night, Mr. Finney, and there are some questions I would like to ask you. Would you come with me to my place of business after the service tonight? Finney assured him he would, and the man said he would be waiting. But as the evangelist walked on into the church, another man stopped him with the warning, Don't go with that man. He is one of the wickedest men in the city, and your life won't be saved with him. Finney said, What I have promised I will do, and will trust the Lord for safety. [00:25:05] After the service, he found the man waiting, put on his hat and coat, and walked out into the wintry night beside the stranger, who directed him down the street a few blocks and then turned off down an alley. Finally, he stopped at the back entrance of a business building, unlocked the door, and directed Finney inside. Then he locked the door, took out the key, put it in his pocket, and pointed Finney to his seat. It was an office of a sort, with a desk and swivel chair and several comfortable seats along the wall. [00:25:39] Next, the man took a pistol out of his pocket and said, Mr. Finney, this gun has taken the lives of four men. Two men were killed with it by my bartenders, and I myself have taken the lives of two men with it. Last night you said the blood of Jesus Christ could cleanse us away of any kind of sin. Do you believe God could save a murderer? A man whose hands are red with the blood of his fellow man? Finney replied that black as was the sin of murder, there was power through the blood of Christ to cleanse it away. [00:26:14] Then the man went on to tell him of the saloon just beyond the partition, stocked with every kind of liquor which he had operated for years. And he said, in all these years, I haven't cared for my fellow men in any way. I've sold them liquor till their money was gone and then had them kicked out into the cold. I've had women come to me with babes in their arms, pleading that I wouldn't sell liquor to their husbands anymore. But I've laughed at them and gone on taking bread out of the mouths of their children. [00:26:45] Finney, do you think God can do anything with a man like me? Finney encouraged him, quoting some scriptures and telling him of others as bad as he who had been saved by the marvelous power of the cross. And then the man resumed. On the other side of the saloon is a gambling hall that belongs to me, but every game in it is as crooked as Satan himself. When men are under the influence of liquor, I have them taken in there where my men robbed them of their last dime. [00:27:17] Can God forgive sin like that? Once again, Finney told him the story of Jesus' power to save the deepest-dyed sinner. But the man's story wasn't finished. 14 years ago, I went to New York, where I met and fell in love with a beautiful and wonderful girl. I courted her, not revealing my true business, but telling her I was a broker. We were married and came back here to live in a brownstone house in the next block. [00:27:49] But if ever a man has broken a woman's heart and ruined her life, I am that man. I've mistreated her in every way, beaten her, locked her out of the house on wintry nights. Twelve years ago a little daughter came into our home, but little Margaret is afraid of her own daddy. Three weeks ago I came home in a drunken fit of anger. My wife got in my way and I began to beat her. And little Margaret ran in between us trying to protect her mother and I struck her, [00:28:23] knocking her onto a red-hot stove and burning her arm terribly from elbow to wrist. Finney, you have my story. Do you really think God could do anything for me? Later that night, after Mr. Finney had prayed with the man and pointed him with assurance to the Lamb of God that taketh away the sin of the world, he unlocked the door, walked to the street with him and bade him good night. Then he went back in and locked the door once more. At daylight the next morning he came out, his hair all disheveled, his clothes torn and soiled, his eyes bloodshot, and he staggered like a drunken man down the alley. [00:29:10] Crossing the street he unlocked the door of his home, let himself in, and went upstairs to his room. His wife who was getting breakfast in the kitchen soon said to Margaret Run upstairs and tell your daddy that breakfast is ready The little girl went upstairs Saw her father sitting in the chair looking much like she had seen him on many other occasions And said, Daddy, mother said breakfast is ready Darling, tell your mother I don't care for any breakfast The little girl ran downstairs and said [00:29:42] Mama, something's awful's wrong with Daddy. He looks awful. He said he didn't want breakfast, and he called me Darling. The little girl was afraid, but under her mother's urging, she went once more to her father's door and repeated her invitation to breakfast. Margaret, darling, come here, her father said Trembling with fear, yet surprised at the new note in his voice The girl went to him and he pulled her down onto his knee [00:30:14] The mother who had followed her daughter upstairs came to see what was going on And he called her in and pulled her down on the other knee Then bowing his head between them, he sobbed out his confession told them that Christ had saved him and asked them if they could forgive him. After Finney had left him, he had thought it through and had come to a decision. He was through with sin and all its works. [00:30:47] Like a madman, he had smashed the desk with the swivel chair he had and made havoc of the other pieces of furniture in his office. and then he had gone into the bar room and with an axe smashed the long mirror behind the bar hacked the mahogany bar from one end to the other smashed every bottle and chopped open every keg of liquor until it came to his ankles on the sawdust strewn floor after that he had completed after that after that he had completely wrecked every piece of furniture [00:31:17] and destroyed every game in the gambling room burning the cards and dice so that they could never be used again and then amid the wreckage in his office, he had gone down on his knees in confession and had found it true that the blood of Christ could cleanse away all sin. I thought that this is a good example of true repentance. Yeah, we would have probably said, well, you should at least sell this stuff somewhere. [00:31:52] He was done. He had lost all his desire. It was gone. And I think we need to look at some of the cases we're dealing with and look at the lies before we settle for conversion when there's not a real change. When people still love the world and their sins and their time after time [00:32:22] go right back in again as soon as you're not after them away they go back into their sins there's something pretty seriously wrong and we don't dare overlook it well then after we are converted the Bible So, I'll just take a few minutes to refer to this, but are we willing to bear a cross? [00:32:56] The Bible tells us that except a man take up the cross and follow him, he cannot be his disciple. What does it mean to take up the cross? What do you think? Do you like to express yourself? At what point does a person take up the cross? What does it mean to take up the cross? Is there a cross for every Christian? Do non-Christians have hip replacements? So that's not my cross. [00:33:31] Is it a cross for me to be up here preaching the word? Is that a cross? Is it a cross to give up sin? Is that your cross? Is the cross the things we love? Is that our cross? Is that a cross if we love? I love to serve God. I hate my sins. That's not a cross? Well, it's like a cross in working in my life. Yeah, I agree with that idea. [00:34:03] Okay, I'm just going to give you my thought. Trying to put things together. I thought that I had a quote here of Menno Simons and I didn't have it. When we were nearly here I saw I got the wrong sheet out of my book of notes. I got quite a few definitions here of what the cross is by different writers. I like Menno Simons one. It was something like God has given us the cross to keep us his dear children in discipline, to rouse us up and keep us going forward because we are sluggish. Our nature is that way. Yeah, that's true. [00:34:37] We need to, like someone said, he married a young girl, she was a beautiful girl, but he married her because of her quality. Out on the mission field, I could make a long story of that. He married her because of her quality and didn't even realize she was a pretty girl. He said that's not what he was after at all. The reason he wanted this girl for his wife was because he knew that she would be like a red hot poker behind him to keep him going for the Lord. I like that. Anyway, so what's the cross? [00:35:10] What does it mean to take it up? In my simple way of looking at it, I came to this conclusion. It's when I make the commitment to follow Jesus Christ at any cost. I call that taking it up. And whatever I suffer for Jesus then, whatever I suffer for being true to him, I think is my cross. Does that sound right? That's the best definition I know. [00:35:41] It's not those other things. This really hurts sometimes in my leg, but it's not my cross. I like Vine's definition. Those sufferings by which his faithful followers were to express their fellowship with him. Today, the gospel is so watered down. Was it Tozer that said something like, if it was poison, it couldn't harm anyone, and if it was, what was the other? [00:36:14] It couldn't help anyone. If it was medicine, it couldn't help anyone. If it was poison, it couldn't harm anyone. It's so watered down. I'm just going to read this yet for what it may mean to you. A.W. Tozer telling us what the world in his day this has been some time ago but it's probably worse now The New Cross and the Old Cross The New Cross is not opposed to the human race Rather it is a friendly pal and if understood right it is the source of oceans of good clean fun and innocent enjoyment [00:36:46] It lets Adam live without interference His life motivation is unchanged I think this all fits in with the gospel that's being preached today that does not involve true repentance and the lordship of Jesus Christ. He still lives for his own pleasure. Only now he takes delight in singing choruses and watching religious movies instead of singing bawdy songs and drinking hard liquor. The act stand is still on enjoyment, though the fun is now on a higher plane morally if not intellectually. [00:37:20] The New Cross encourages a new and entirely different evangelistic approach. The evangelist does not demand abnegation or renunciation of the old life before a new life can be received. He preaches not contrasts, but similarities. He seeks to key into public interest by showing that Christianity makes no unpleasant demands. Rather, it offers the same thing the world does, only on a higher level. whatever the sin-mad world happens to be clamoring after at the moment [00:37:52] is cleverly shown to be the very thing the gospel offers only the religious product is better the new cross does not slay the sinner it redirects him it gears him to a cleaner and jollier way of living and saves his self-respect to the self-assertive it says come and assert yourself for Christ to the egotist it says come and do your boasting in the Lord to the thrill seeker it says Come and enjoy the thrill of Christian fellowship. The Christian message is slanted in the direction of the current vogue in order to make it acceptable to the public. [00:38:26] That evangelism which draws friendly parallels between the ways of God and the ways of men is false to the Bible and cruel to the souls of the hearers. The faith of Christ does not parallel the world, it intersects it. The faith of Christ does not parallel the world, it intersects it. In coming to Christ, we do not bring our old life up to a higher plane, we leave it at the cross. The corn of wheat must fall into the ground and die. [00:39:00] And that gives a person joy like nothing else does. I had a testimony here of Francis Ridley Harigal that I wanted to read. Just a few words. I think we've all heard of Frances Ridley Habergel. Every moment of her time she has considered as belonging to the Lord. This is now the other side, the joy of giving up everything for Jesus. [00:39:30] That in itself is not a cross. It might bring one, but it isn't one in itself. Not only did she consider her time as belonging wholly to the Lord, but she regarded every penny of her money as belonging to him. She seldom spent even a sixpence without the Lord directing its spending. She did not feel free to spend her money for fine clothes. She gave her jewelry for the missionary cause and dressed plainly. She did not consider herself to have the liberty to spend money on herself that might be spared for God's work. [00:40:02] He has granted me, she wrote, to rejoice fully in his will. I am not conscious of even a wish crossing his will I do altogether desire his will being done whatever it is I have not a fear or a doubt or a care or a shadow upon the sunshine of my heart God's will is delicious, he makes no mistakes The Christian life that is worth living and receives God's blessing [00:40:37] is the life that is given to God with no reservations. As long as we only go part way, we're not going to be happy. We're not going to be victorious. We are not true pilgrims until we come with both hands up. And then whether you're a baby or whether you've been a Christian 20 or 30 or 40 years makes no difference. When we come with both hands up, God can use us and we're a true pilgrim. He'll make us into a true pilgrim. He'll separate us and make us stand out and we can't feel at home in this world anymore.
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