Fathers

[00:00:00] This morning I've entitled the message, Fathers. And there's a lot of things that come to our mind when we think about fathers. But what I'd like for us to think about this morning is caring for hearts. Fathers, often when we think about fathers and the responsibilities that they have, We think about the responsibility that fathers have of providing for their children. [00:00:34] And that's important. It's one thing that we have to do. But there's also a big responsibility that we have of caring for the hearts of our children. And it's something that I'm understanding more. I don't speak to you this morning as one that's arrived, one that's done well at this, but I'm beginning to understand some things and I'd like to especially challenge us as fathers who still have opportunity to do this. [00:01:11] I don't think it's ever too late until your children are gone, are dead, for this to actually happen. And I'd just like to challenge us in this. I'd like to also say that this does not just apply to fathers. It applies in a lot of areas of life. And the principles that are here are principles that we can understand. Now, this morning, rather than asking questions, I'm going to give us some wisdom that I found here and there. [00:01:45] One, of course, is from the Ten Commandments, Exodus chapter 20. Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. Wisdom from God. Someone said, sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance. Ruth Renkel. It's kind of an interesting thought. Here's another one. A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of care given during the growing season. Interesting. [00:02:24] A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. Some of these you have to think about a little bit. Someone said the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. And by the way, a friend of mine just recently lost his wife early in the spring, about my age. And I didn't find it out until later and I called him and talked to him and he said [00:02:58] One of the things that he shared with a lot of people as they came to the viewing and the funeral and so on Is this very thought Love your wife, love your children's mother Very important Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys. Jim Valento Valvano said, [00:03:29] My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me. Here's a thing I found. What is a dad? A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall, But instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again A dad is someone who wants to keep you from making mistakes But instead lets you find your way Even though his heart breaks in silence when you get hurt [00:04:01] A dad is someone who holds you when you cry Scolds you when you break the rules Shines with pride when you succeed And has faith in you even when you fail I thought those were some interesting words of wisdom to think about A book that you might read, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp It's a very interesting book, I haven't read the whole thing but I've scanned through it Now I want us to think this morning about hearts [00:04:33] And this is important for us The prophet Malachi in chapter 4 verse 6 said this, And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. I don't know if you've ever thought about this verse, but there's a lot in this verse. I notice first of all that he's talking about what God is going to do through the prophet Elijah. [00:05:09] And it's interesting that over in Luke chapter 1 verse 17 this is referenced. And he says, He shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just to make ready a people prepared for the Lord. So it gives kind of a little bit different slam. Yeah, but he's talking about the prophet, or the person, John the Baptist. And he makes that very plain, that this is Elijah, which was to come. [00:05:43] But I was noticing this, and then it goes along with a scripture I'd like to read over in 2 Samuel chapter 15. This is the story of David and Absalom. Absalom. David was a father who, even though he was a man after God's own heart, made a lot of mistakes. A lot of mistakes. We can look back into his family life, and his family life was full of a lot of terrible happenings. [00:06:17] One of his sons raped his daughter, and Absalom killed that son, and just on and on and on. When Absalom killed Ammon, he was banished. The king said, I don't want to see him, and he was sent away to another city. And finally he was able to petition, after years he was able to petition, and David said, okay, send him back to Jerusalem. When he came back to Jerusalem, it was two years that he lived there and David would not face his son. [00:06:56] He wouldn't talk to him. He wouldn't look at him. And that's the background of what we've got going on here in chapter 15. But I want us to notice several things here. It came to pass after this that Absalom prepared him chariots and horses and 50 men to run before him. And Absalom rose up early and stood beside the way of the gate, and it was so that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for judgment, Absalom called on him and said, [00:07:28] Hey, what city are you from? He said, I'm from one of the tribes of Israel. And Absalom said unto him, Look, your matters are good and right, but there's no one deputed of the king to hear you. And Absalom also said, Oh, that I were made judge in the land, and every man which hath any suit or cause might come unto me, and I would do him justice. And it was so. When any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, to bow down to him, he was the prince, the king's son, he put forth his hand and took him and kissed him. [00:08:11] And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel One thing I failed to mention in the backdrop is that just before this the king agreed to see Absalom And he did have him come into his presence, he kissed him there It says in the last verse of chapter 14, and this is what happens. It says, so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel. There are a lot of things out there, fathers, that want to steal the hearts of our children. [00:09:00] And so I bring this message this morning because it's such an important message. It's something that we need, and like I said before, it applies in a lot of different ways. If you are going to be effective in helping anyone, you've got to be able to have their heart. Heart. We protect our heart. And we're not going to just put our heart out there to get trampled on over and over again. And so people make a lot of decisions, they make a lot of choices based on what's happening in their heart. [00:09:39] But I want us to notice this morning several things. Three things that I think are important for us when we think about a child's heart or any heart for that matter. Number one is time. Time is very important as it relates to hearts. We do not get into a person's heart without spending time [00:10:10] And I'm not talking about just whatever kind of time I'm talking about important time, quality time, time that matters One of the things that, if you look at what Absalom did One of the things that he did was he insinuated that the king was too busy to hear his people That he hadn't taken the time or the effort to listen to what they were feeling, what they were thinking. And there's going to be a lot of people out there who are ready to listen to your child, to hear their heart, [00:10:49] and take their side or whatever it might be in the matter that are going to steal those hearts if we aren't on guard, if we aren't careful. Over in John chapter 4 verse 46 through 53, the man came to Jesus. He was an important man. He came to Jesus and he said, Jesus, my son is sick to the point of death. Could you just come and touch him and heal him? [00:11:21] And it's interesting to me, as I did a little studying there, the man walked, journeyed for about a day's journey to come to Jesus on behalf of his child. And I had to think about this a little bit. How much time am I willing to invest in my child's heart? Just understanding what they think, what they feel, where they're coming from. [00:11:53] You know, it's not too hard to take time to correct them. It's not too hard to tell them what they need to do differently. But what am I doing about simply taking the time to hear them? A person's matters in their own mind are important. And I think about this often in relation to God. You know, we look at our children and they maybe bring something to us and we think, [00:12:23] it's nothing, you know, their little doll needs fixed or their tractor needs fixed. Well, big deal. It's so insignificant, so unimportant. But you know what? I believe we understand the heart of God in a better way as we understand, as we look at relationships that we have. And I believe that we can understand, you know, as God looks down and He sees all the things that we bring to Him, how many of them are insignificant to Him? [00:12:58] Any? No. He cares about how many hair we have or don't have on our head. He cares when a sparrow falls to the ground. The Bible tells us that there's nothing insignificant to God. And everything that's important to us, He's interested in. And I think that that's one of the things that we as fathers often fail in with our children [00:13:33] Because we don't make that a part of our life We're all about what we've got to do We're all about what's got to be done And our children go through life and they say, I wish that my dad had time for me I just wish he had time He's so busy, he's doing all this, and it might be good things that he's doing and so on. But I want us to think about the importance of time as it relates to hearts. [00:14:12] We wound a child's heart when they feel we don't have time for their things. The more often a heart is wounded, the more closed it becomes. And the more difficult it becomes for that heart to experience love in the way that God intended. The second thing that I want us to think about this morning is interest. In 2 Samuel there, chapter 15, verse 4, [00:14:49] Absalom, Absalom said moreover, oh that I were made judge in the land that every man which hath any suit or cause might come to me and I would do him justice. He was talking about what was the deepest interest of their hearts. And so he came to the people and he said, here I am, I have time. Here I am, I care about what's important to you. And as he began to do this, the hearts of the people turned from David to Absalom. [00:15:23] Did Absalom have the right to those hearts? No. He stole them. But he used the very things that David should have been using to keep those hearts. And so I think it's important for us. Isaiah 63 verse 16 is an interesting verse. Doubtless thou art our Father, though Abraham be ignorant of us, and Israel acknowledge us not, O Lord, thou, O Lord, art our Father, our Redeemer, thy name is from everlasting. [00:15:59] I think that verse is significant because it tells me that even if Abraham, who they acknowledged as their father, Jacob, Israel, who they acknowledged as their father, even if those didn't care about them, God cares. God is interested in us. Are we really interested in our children, in their interest? I remember a young man and this young man came from a single parent home and he had a lot of science interest and that interest was snuffed out by a man who was very important in his life, not in a family setting, in a church setting. [00:16:52] And that man turned away, that young man turned away from God. And as I think back about that, I realize that what happened was his heart was trampled on because his interests were not important. They didn't matter. They had no say in the matter whatsoever, His interest. And I wonder how our children feel about our relationship with them. [00:17:26] Are we interested only in sharing with them our interests? You know, and we read this, we hear this over and over again. My dad wanted me to be whatever. Why? Because it was his interest. Well, what was on my heart? What was my interest? It didn't matter. My dad wanted me to be this. And I think it's important for us to think about the matter of a person's interest. [00:18:02] Time is money, people say. Well, no, time is also interest. So these are related, but they're both very important. We wound a child's heart when they feel we're not interested in them. And that can happen in so many different ways It can be because we're too busy doing a lot of other things It can be because we just don't care about what they're trying to tell us [00:18:36] It can be because we don't take time to help them pursue their interests And I think one of the things that God has done in giving us as fathers responsibility We need to learn what their interests are and be able to send them out in a way that brings glory to God because of their interests. The third thing that I want us to think about this morning is a matter of worth or value. [00:19:14] Absalom stole the hearts of the people of Israel by doing this in verse 5. It was so that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, what was that doing? When they would bow down to Absalom, what was that doing? That was showing his worth, right? He was the prince, a prince. And so they would bow down to him as a symbol, as signifying his worth, his value. [00:19:45] But what did he do? Rather than letting them bow down, he took them by the hand and he kissed them. What did that do to them? It gave them worth, didn't it? It gave them value. They became important. They weren't just bowing down to him, they were his friend. They were important to him. And you know what? A heart is drawn to whatever gives it value. If we as parents give our children's hearts value, they'll be drawn to us. [00:20:23] If we devalue them, they'll turn away from us. I had to think about this in relation to our spiritual value. Ephesians chapter 1 verse 6 Wherein he hath made us accepted in the Beloved. How valuable are we to God? Invaluable. Our worth is infinite to God. We say this often and yet I don't think we realize the significance of it. [00:20:59] Jesus Christ would have died had I been the only one on earth that needed a Savior. He would have died for me. That's infinite worth. Infinite worth. And to think of Him dying for all of us is still infinite worth. Over and over and over and over Paul writes, Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ to you. [00:21:33] Grace, mercy, and peace. Worth, value. God is imparting to us things that are of infinite value. When Absalom took the hand of those people and kissed them, he made them feel important. And I would bet this morning that those of you who think back over the time of your childhood I would bet that some of the most significant times that you remember are times when your dad made you feel important [00:22:09] I thought about this in my own life I remember on a job one time my dad saying, yeah this is my right hand man Wow, made me feel important, made me have worth And I think that it's important for us, and you stop and you look Why do kids get wrapped up in the wrong group? Because that group makes them feel important It might be false, it might be something that they shouldn't feel from those people [00:22:45] But they do, they feel importance from them, worth In this group I am somebody. In my home I'm a nobody. In my church I'm a nobody. Wherever else I might be I'm a nobody. But here I'm somebody. I'm important. And every one of us needs value. We need worth. And as fathers, we're called upon to give our children value. To make them feel important. [00:23:16] Not just once in a great while, but it's our job to make them feel important day after day. It's interesting that Absalom used these three areas to steal the hearts of the children of Israel. And down in verse 13 says there came a messenger to David saying the hearts of the children, the men of Israel, are after Absalom. Their hearts were turned from David to Absalom. [00:23:52] How did it happen? because Absalom convinced them, though falsely, that their time was important to him, their interests were important to him, and their value, their worth was important to him. And as he convinced them of that, their hearts turned toward him. Now, I'd like to challenge us as fathers that we find creative ways to let our children know that their time is important to us. [00:24:29] Their interests are important to us. Their worth is very important to us. And there's lots of ways that we can do this. You know, just a lot of us do texting. You know, send them a text during the day. Let them know how important they are to you. And then back it up with things that go with it. Just a lot of things that we can think about it. It's interesting to me, John is the one who leaned on Jesus' breast. [00:25:04] The one who was the disciple of love. The one that was close to God. In the writings of John, there's 87 times that John uses the term Father in relation to Jesus or to us. And he talks about a lot of different things that might be an interesting study for you sometime. But I just want to share just a few things in closing here. You might want to jot these verses down that are from the scriptures that tell us of a father doing these things for his children. [00:25:50] Proverbs chapter 3 verse 12 Even as a father who delights in his son He delights in his son His son is important His son's interests are important His son is valuable to him And also in Proverbs 10 verse 1 He delights in his son's wisdom In Matthew 7 verse 10 Jesus tells a story And he says that a father is always interested in his children's needs and requests. [00:26:25] He says if your child comes to you and asks a stone, are you going to give him a fish? No. Why? Because you're interested in what your child is interested in, what their needs are, what their requests are. Now, in Malachi chapter 3 verse 17, there's a little phrase there. It says, as a man spareth his own son. And the idea there is that a father is considerate of his child even in his failures. [00:27:00] I think that's important for us. The thing that I said about dad, had about dad, talked about that several times. How a father will watch his children. He won't stop them from failing. But he's there for them in their failures. He's there to help them, to lift them up, to bring them through. To do whatever he can to encourage and strengthen them [00:27:30] There's another interesting story that Jesus told over in Luke chapter 11 verse 7 It was about the man whose friend came during the middle of the night to ask bread And you may take this several different ways But I found it interesting in relation to this He said my children are with me in bed We didn't make a practice of having our children with us in bed at home, but that's the way it's said there. [00:28:03] And I had to think of it in this way. That father had a tenderness, a familiarity with his children that I believe we can learn from. He said, hey, you know, the hour is late, my children are with me in bed, I'm not getting up to get you bread. Was he thinking about his children's needs above his friends' needs? Something to think about. Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4, provoke not your children to wrath. [00:28:40] Probably some of the deepest anger that children have And I don't believe this verse is just talking about making your children mad to the point where they just lose their temper I think it's also talking about the fact that as we do not take the time As we do not focus on their interests As we belittle them or make them feel small All that an anger begins to burn within them. And I've heard people say in older years, I hate my dad. I hate my dad for what he did to me. And I've heard testimonies where people said, I can't forgive. I just can't forgive for what my dad did to me. [00:29:32] Ephesians 6 verse 4 Provoke not your children to wrath I believe that's a big, big challenge But he goes on and says But bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord We desire the best for our children And I think every father that has any value at all God desires that. And I know that I've made a lot of mistakes. And I know that you have too as fathers. None of us are perfect. There's only one perfect father. And look at his children. None of us are perfect. But I believe our desire in our heart has to be for the best for our children. It has to be. [00:30:26] Psalm 103 verse 13 As a father pitieth his children We need to have mercy We need to have compassion for our children And then it's interesting The psalmist says in chapter 27 verse 10 When my father and mother forsake me Then the Lord will take me up So he gives the implication there that a father and a mother would be the very last on earth to forsake someone. [00:31:06] And I think that's a challenging thought as well. One I guess I forgot to read back there for worth. We wound a child's heart when we criticize them and make them feel small or worthless. Don't shame your children into obedience. Don't tell them how worthless they are. I could show you people, and probably some of you here today would say, yeah, that's me. My parents told me I was no good. [00:31:38] My parents told me I'd never amount to anything. My parents told me I just would never learn. My parents told me I couldn't do anything right. And those people hurt big time. I don't think that it's possible to give too much honest praise and value to our children. Now flattery, that's another thing. But to be able to praise and encourage and give them value, give them worth, we'll never overdo it. [00:32:12] It won't happen. So I'm challenged. I'm challenged personally as I look at this. I know as I saw that scripture there in 2 Samuel and what Absalom did, I was challenged in my own heart. Were some of my children's hearts stolen because I failed to do the job that God had given to me? And I just challenge you. And this, like I said before, this doesn't apply just to fathers. This applies in so many relationships. Because if we are going to be effective in relating with anybody, they have to feel valuable to us. [00:32:56] They have to feel like they have meaning and importance to us if we're going to get anywhere with them at all. And so I just challenge us all in this area that we think about the importance of hearts and what it takes to win a heart and to nurture a heart and to help a heart along life's journey. Let's stand together for prayer. I'd just like to ask you this morning if the Spirit has spoken to you specifically. [00:33:34] And you recognize some areas in your life that you need help with, and you'd just like to say, pray for me, remember me in prayer, that God would give me grace and strength. Just slip your hand up and see those hands. Father, we thank you. We praise you. We bless your name, Lord. We thank you that we can call you our Father. [00:34:06] We thank you that you're the perfect Father. That you've loved us with an everlasting love. That you love us in spite of our sin. Even while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. A love beyond our comprehension. Your time shows that you're interested in us. You've invested so much into us. Who we are, what we are, matters. What we care about matters to you. There's nothing insignificant, nothing too small, nothing too unimportant to bring to you, and we thank you for it. [00:34:46] And Lord, you've shown us the absolute worth that you've given to us Beyond comprehension, beyond measure A worth that you've given to us, Lord, that raises us up to heavenly places And Father, as a father, I'm challenged and others of us are challenged here this morning [00:35:17] Lord you've spoken to our hearts Lord there's a lot of times we don't know how to go about to do the things that you've laid out before us but God I pray you give us grace guide us by your spirit give us strength and courage Lord to be the fathers that you want us to be I pray that you help us in all of our relationships. Lord, help us to see the importance of caring for hearts [00:35:50] in the way that you've cared for us. No one too sinful, no one too low, no one too high. You care for all the same. There's no respected persons with you And Lord, I thank you for this day when we remember our fathers And I pray, God, that you help us most of all to remember you, our Father [00:36:23] We bless your name We pray it in Jesus' name Amen