Fathers

[00:00:00] This audio sermon is provided by AnabaptistSermons.com and may be freely copied and distributed. You may not sell or edit this sermon. Our prayer is that you would be blessed by this ministry. We greet you this morning in Jesus' name. It is a blessing to be together here. This morning, we were reminded, if we didn't already think about it, that it's Father's Day. I'd like to think of honoring fathers, and it can be honoring parents if you want to say it in that way. [00:00:34] But I also came back to talking to us as fathers. Was it on Friday evening that we also had a prayer request for fathers? It was last week. I'm not sure which evening. And it is of concern to us that we be the kind of fathers that we should be. For some of us, that is not with children at home anymore. For some of you, it is children at home. But I'd like to think about honoring our fathers. [00:01:07] As I thought of why we should honor our fathers, I thought of the fact that we owe our very existence to our fathers and mothers. In cooperation with God, the hand of God, they brought us to light, as they say in Spanish, to life, we would say in English. So we owe our very life to our parents. One reason why we should give honor to our parents, our fathers. [00:01:40] As I thought of what it is that our parents do for us, I'd just like to enumerate a few things. And I would like for you to, as you listen and interact with me today, to be ready to share some things that you appreciate about your fathers. If you want to honor your father in that way, or things that you learned. And sometimes we learn negative things, or we learn in a negative way, and yet we learn things that are helpful for our life. [00:02:12] And you may include those as well. But as I think of the basic needs that fathers provide or sometimes there are other figures in our life You know what you provide as parents for your children Food, sometimes comfort, what I provided for Adriana the other evening Protection If we would turn to Deuteronomy chapter 6 We can read that we need to give our children instruction, and our parents have done that for us. [00:02:48] We give example to our children. We do that whether we decide to do it or not. We teach by example, probably one of the most important things. We provide support, friendship, fellowship to our children, and acceptance. And I think that is an important one, and I think it is also one that is, well, it is one that is important. I think children desire approval from their parents as well. [00:03:25] Did you desire approval from your father? Was it forthcoming? I think it influences the way we are able to give approval. However, I would like to say this, you and I are not tied because of what we experienced back there in our parental home. We can rise above that. We do not have to let that limit the kind of people that we are today. Not saying it's not going to have an influence, but we don't have to be tied down by what we experienced back there, I don't believe. [00:04:10] In Exodus chapter 20, if you want to turn with me to this, you may. But this is a very negative scripture here But it shows the close tie that God sees between parents and their children Fathers and their children It says here In verse 5 of Exodus chapter 20 It says thou shalt not bow down thyself to them Nor serve them This is talking about false gods [00:04:40] I'm breaking in here in a commandment For I the Lord thy God am a jealous God God visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. Children even answer, well, I want to be careful how I say that. Jesus, I think, taught that we are responsible for ourselves and our parents are responsible for them. But we see here that there is a very close connection and even that God does visit the iniquity of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. [00:05:18] Doesn't sound quite fair, does it? Children that didn't really have any choice in the matter. But I'd like for us to notice the next statement here that he makes in verse 6. And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments. He doesn't say that the sins of the fathers are going to be, that's going to be totally taken away, but I see in verse 6 here the opportunity to rise above that, if that is what we need to do. [00:05:50] We do not have to be, we don't have to answer for the sins of parents, however there are some things that children inherit. Sometimes children inherit, there are all kinds of things that children inherit. Good things, sometimes there are things that children get from their parents. We are familiar with the fact that sometimes children get infected by a disease from their parents. It had nothing to do with it. So in this case, those are things that are, that's just a truth that is there. [00:06:25] And it's something that children have to live with in some cases. But verse six there, you notice that he also provides mercy to people, but notice the way he ends that verse. I turned away from that. Thousands that love me, but it doesn't stop there. It says, and keep my commandments. That is critical. That is important. God is a God that notices when we keep his commandments. When we love him, we will keep his commandments, Jesus said. [00:07:03] We are to honor our parents in verse 12 of Exodus chapter 20. And it's interesting, we'll look at that a little bit later, as the first commandment with promise, I think, Ephesians tells us. What does it mean to honor exactly? I'd like to think about that just a little bit. What are synonyms of honor? The dictionary says that honor is a good name or public esteem. I don't think that's what we're talking about here necessarily. [00:07:48] and respect that is usually merited is what that is saying. So that is one of the things that I think that's what the scripture is saying when it says that we should honor our parents. Neither of my parents are living. My mother passed away about, I think about 17 years ago. I think it's going on 38 years that my father is no longer here. Now, am I exempt from this mandate in scripture to honor my parents? [00:08:24] Somebody at least is shaking his head. I think you're right. How can I honor my father who is almost 38 years, almost 38 years ago, passed away? And you think about that. Maybe you want to come up with some suggestions about that, but I recently sat down with a man who told me that all my life I have been trying and I have not been able to please my father. [00:08:59] That was his testimony, and whether or not that was true, I take that with a certain grain of salt. But that was the heart's cry of one young man. And those of us who do not have parents, we could also say, well, I don't have a father to honor. But I think we can honor our parents, although they are not living. [00:09:31] And how do we do that? I'd like for you to think about that. One of the ways that I think of, and especially for us who had Christian parents, if we do things, if we honor God by our lives, if we live a life that brings glory and honor to God, does that not honor our parents? I think it does. I had to think of the story that Brother Sheldon read to us in Bible school. And he didn't, this little boy didn't have a father. [00:10:04] He had a grandfather. Now, if, see Domingue was his name, am I correct? If Domingue and his father, for those of you who didn't hear this story, was Mohammedan. He embraced Islam, the religion of Islam, and he was very much opposed to Christianity. Now, if Domingue, and Domingue did embrace Christianity, was he honoring his grandfather by embracing Christianity? And I recognize that that answer, that question may not have just one answer. [00:10:39] But as we look at what is truth, I think that the decision that Domingue and his mother made to follow the Lord Jesus Christ And by the way, for those of you who did not hear this story, the grandfather also embraced Christianity But I think Domingue was actually honoring his grandfather Although his grandfather said, I don't want you to follow Christ That is, in his mind, that was heresy, I think is what we could say But I think Domingue was honoring his grandfather by doing what was right. [00:11:15] And I think that we will, well, I don't think so. I know that we will never go wrong by doing what is right. I think that is an honor. In fact, isn't that not the best honor that we can give to our parents? Now, let me just back up. If you're a person, if you're a boy or a girl at home, underage, there is something else involved that you can do. You can, you have a mom and a dad, or many of you do, have a mom and a dad, or a mom or a dad, that you can obey. [00:11:52] And I think scripture calls, well I don't think so, I know so, look at Ephesians. In Ephesians 6.1 it says children obey your parents and then there are three words in the Lord for this is right and then in verse 2 it says this is the first commandment with promise I think that is true for us at home under age Is it in Colossians where they leave out it leaves out the in the Lord [00:12:23] somewhere else in one of Paul's epistles It says the same words and it doesn't even include the in the Lord. However, I think the in the Lord does belong there. I think we need to do what God tells us to do regardless of what our parents tell us to do. There are some Christians that face things that you and I don't know about. Let me just give you an example. Some of the girls that Amy worked with in D.C. became Christians. [00:12:57] Their parents were not Christians. Sometimes, I don't think it hurts to use names here, sometimes Cindy's dad would say, Cindy, you go to the phone, you answer that, and if they want me, I'm not here. You tell them I'm not here. What should Cindy do? She did tell her dad, Dad, I can't lie for you. And I don't know what Dad's immediate response was, but I do know one thing that happened. Later on, Dad was talking with friends and he said this by way of commendation for Cindy. [00:13:32] He said, I can't even get her to lie for me. And he was saying she was doing what was right. And what Dad was actually saying was, I can trust her to tell the truth. And so, in a sense, Cindy was honoring her father by disobeying. And be very careful with that. That sometimes has implications that we don't realize. But I think she came to the right place where she said, Dad, I will not lie for you. And she was not undercover. [00:14:07] She just told him, Dad, I'm not going to do it. I can't do that. And you would have many other situations. This is not the case of a father and a son or a daughter. This is a case of a husband and a wife. But we had friends in El Salvador. The wife was a dedicated Christian. The husband was not. He smoked. And sometimes he wanted her to buy cigarettes at the store. What was the right thing for her to do? And I'm not going to answer that, but you think about that. [00:14:39] There are people that have questions, they have situations to face that you and I know nothing about. And you and I know what is right, and we do well to do that, but let's remember that there are people that have not been blessed like you and I have. I tried to just simply get together a list and I'd like for you to be thinking about your own list and you may jot things down or you may just simply listen [00:15:09] but if you feel led to, I would like for you to share things that you learned it can be from your dad, it can be from your mother as well from your parents, one or the other but I'd like to honor my dad, my father-in-law and maybe some of these come from other dads that I learned from. We don't learn all the good things from our own fathers, but we do learn good things from our own dads as they were following the Lord. [00:15:43] But as I think of my fathers, the fathers in my life, one of the things that I have learned or Amy and I have learned, And I sat down with Amy and we tried to think of some things that we would like to honor our fathers for. One of these things is a respect for those that are less fortunate than we are. And I think I learned that from both my father and my father-in-law. [00:16:15] But regardless, let's just go through these. It doesn't matter where they came from. being generous with that which you have even when you were hard pressed yourselves you were able to find something to give to those who were in need and I think that is a good trait that is something I would like to honor my parents for I appreciate the example that we were given to be present at church functions [00:16:48] I was going to say at all church functions you could come back to us ministers and say but you weren't here Wednesday evenings and there are times when you know that our work takes us away and I don't like when that happens but we cannot be at two places at one time and I think you understand that and I trust that the rest of you sense the responsibility to be here when we are not here Presence at church functions or all church functions as nearly as possible [00:17:24] A strong sense of fairness Is this fair or isn't it? And I think that we do well to have a strong sense of fairness However, I think I should talk about that a little bit more a little bit later I want to get back to that I think of a father, when I think of a father I think of a person that is a good provider for his family Spiritually and as far as possible materially [00:17:55] I think of one who spends time with his family And then I also think of one who is willing to put the Lord's work first And sometimes these are competing things in our schedules and I recognize that And I don't know if I have always learned how to recognize that. But I think we have seen in our parents people who were willing to put their families and the Lord's work first and try to keep that in right perspective. [00:18:28] I appreciate fathers who were not impressed with the pardoned expression, the quick buck. I don't think that my father or father-in-law were really drawn to the opportunity to get rich quick, quickly, if I use the correct terminology there. One who doesn't fall for those get-rich-quick schemes that come along. And some of us children have not done as well at following that. [00:19:00] But I think we do well to remember what the motivating force is, what it is that attracts me to that kind of a, may I call it a scheme. Isn't it just simply greed? I think that's what attracts me to that kind of thing. And I think my fathers recognized that, my father and others. I think of a father, when I think of a father, I think of somebody that is patient with countless questions. [00:19:32] If you have children that are teenagers, they will have gone through that stage, no doubt. Sometimes I think I am tempted to, well, you know, that question is, it's self-evident. Can't you just simply observe and see? and sometimes I don't think it hurts to just simply come back with a question of your own. But being patient with questions I think is something that I learned from my fathers. [00:20:05] One who teaches by example, that you listen to both sides. And I could say, even if the one who gives the opposing side is your child's teacher at school, Maybe, I should say, especially if the other side is your child's teacher at school. And that's a blessing. We have had teachers who have told us, I can hear when my children get a listening ear at home. [00:20:39] May God keep that from being one of our families here. And I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to your child, but listen to the other side. Talk to your child's teacher. What actually happened? In talking with people, and this just happened in the last week, but in talking with people, I find out that sometimes it's helpful to ask, well, what about this or this? If you know enough about a situation, you can ask questions. [00:21:10] Oh, I got an answer that was kind of revealing just in this past week when I asked some rather pointed questions. and from our children I think we can do that as well. Before passing judgment, listen to both sides and as I get older in life I see the importance of that. Sometimes people give us a good picture. They say this is the way it is, you can talk with other people and that's the way it is. But sometimes you don't get the full picture until you talk to both sides. [00:21:45] Now, looking at it from the other side, we as fathers, and I don't remember what this lady wrote. I think she wrote in a column, it was repeated in a Dear Abby column or a Dear Ann column, Ann Landers column, I'm not sure. But be that as it may, there was a lady that wrote about the fact, she said, I had the meanest mom alive. and then she told of all that her mom made her do [00:22:18] and I don't know just exactly what she had her children do but one of the things that I do remember was she made her children be accountable for what they did and she said now I am the meanest mom on earth and so fathers don't back off from being the meanest dad if that is what it takes. Regardless of what everybody else is doing, this is what I expect you to do. [00:22:49] And it doesn't hurt to say that. And I haven't done as well at that as I might have. Some of you have heard me say this before, I suppose. I think it was back at Hebron. But I am reminded, and this lady's name was Mrs. Neighbors. That was her surname. And Mrs. Neighbors married a man that was a widower, and she was determined not to be the mean stepmother. You know what I'm saying. [00:23:20] And this man had a teenage daughter. And children have a way of finding out what mom, or in this case the stepmom, is going to do. This young lady tried out her stepmom, and her stepmom refused to make a scene. And I don't know what all happened. But one day, one Sunday, we'll call this girl Maggie, I don't remember what her name was, but Mrs. Neighbors was actually the name of the lady. [00:23:52] And I don't know why Mr. Neighbors doesn't enter the scene, but for some reason he doesn't. This was just told to me by my cousin's wife and it was an acquaintance of theirs. As I said, Maggie tried her stepmom out and her mom refused to take issue with her stepdaughter. One Sunday morning, Maggie came downstairs dressed in her most ragged dress that she had to go to church. Mrs. Neighbors lost it. She says, Maggie, you are going right back upstairs and changing to your Sunday best, something that fits where you're going. [00:24:30] And then Mrs. Neighbors retreated to her bedroom to cry. A few minutes later, there was a knock at her door. Maggie was there, dressed as she should be, in her Sunday best. This is what she said, Mom, I thought you didn't love me. That's why I was trying you out. Now, most children aren't quite that honest, but all children need exactly what Maggie was asking for. They need boundaries. [00:25:02] And we as parents need to recognize that our children need boundaries. They want boundaries, whether they are as open with it as Maggie was or not. Maybe she said, I just wanted to know where my boundaries are. But that, as I recall, that's as clearly as I can recall the account. And that actually happened, I could take you back to the person who told us about that. [00:25:37] For a child's good, they need to know what no means. and I am not here to tell you exactly how you are to enforce that but I will say this, children learn more easily when they're still young enough to sit on your lap. In fact, when they're very young, they learn very easily and they know how to read us just the way Maggie knew how to read her stepmother [00:26:09] and her stepmother was not the proverbial mean stepmom and they had, I think, a good relationship after that but it is good to start young with our children however, even if our children are older they still need to have guidelines they need to know where the boundary is let's show them that by our lives there are two words that I use Approval. I think all of us crave approval. [00:26:42] And I have talked with children and I have seen that children need approval. And as children are young and as they are at home, it's not hard to give them approval when they do what is right. And, you know, when things go well and withhold approval when things do not go. And that's a pretty strong, especially with some children, that is a pretty strong incentive to do what's right. [00:27:15] As our children get older, sometimes they make decisions that we cannot in good conscience give our approval, our blessing for. However, is there something that we can still give children when we say, I don't approve of what you're doing. I wonder if we cannot still do this. Is there a difference between acceptance and approval? [00:27:47] I think so. To me, the first one, approval, that carries with it blessing. And I'm not sure it should be withhold blessing But there are some things when our children, when our adult children make decisions that I don't feel good about They are still our sons and daughters And I think it behooves us to be careful how we speak to them [00:28:20] We say that children should respect parents And I'm with you on that. They should. We make it easier for our children to respect us when we also respect them. And by simply saying, you are my child, regardless of the course that you take, aren't we giving something that we don't have to say, I'm okay with what you're doing, [00:28:50] But I am okay with the fact that you are my son or my daughter. I don't know, maybe it's a fine line. I think we need to be careful, careful that we do not condone what is wrong, but also careful that we know where to say thus far and no farther is how far that I can go. It seems to me that as we have children that are getting up in years, [00:29:30] we do them a favor by having them make some decisions on their own, not within a framework. And as they get older, I think that gets progressive. And as we do that, it becomes much easier for our children to function as they get out on their own. I think of people that have come from very closed places, like the Georgie Vince family came over here [00:30:02] and my father-in-law helped them with the many, many decisions that they had. These things were overwhelming to them because they had no idea how to make these decisions. You have to go and you have to get the gas turned on. You have to do this, you have to do that. And they were overwhelmed. People that have come from places where they were not given any decisions to make face something of the same. People that come out of Hutterite colonies have a real adjustment to make. [00:30:34] And we can do something of the same for our children if we make all of their decisions. And it seems to me wise. Because the wise parent helps his child, turns these things over to them gradually so that it's not too much to, they don't have too big a step to make. And it seems to me that as we do this, and I appreciate the fact that my parents, I felt, I feel did a good job in that there were some decisions that we had to make, there were some that they helped us make. [00:31:11] But I think the wise parents will help their children to grow into that gradually. And coming back to what I was saying about acceptance and approval, I don't think, I think we should never condone wrongdoing. However, I had to think of the verses in Luke chapter 9 where Jesus was talking to his disciples. [00:31:42] I think John and James were, they were really on fire for the Lord. And I thought they, I think they thought they had the spirit of Christ. But if you look at Luke chapter 9 verses 55 to 57 And this is where the Samaritan village refused Jesus lodging Because his face was set as though he were going to Jerusalem And in verses 55 to 57 when John and James said [00:32:15] Lord shall we call fire down from heaven to consume them This is what Jesus said to them But he turned and rebuked them and said ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of For the Son of God is not come to destroy men's lives but to save them And they went to another village It's 55 and 56 only Jesus said you're zealous But you don't realize where you have allowed your zealousness to take you And I think that we as parents can do the same [00:32:47] I would strive for us to find some kind of a center road between being, you know, calling the shots entirely to being a person who doesn't care. Let's find something that where we do care, we give direction, especially when asked. John Burkholder shared us some of those things. For those of you who were not in our adult brethren class, he quoted a saying that an Amish, I don't know if it was an Amish grandfather, made to him. [00:33:27] He said, this is what grandfathers are good for. Fix the fences, as I remember, hoe the thistles, and mind their own business. What that man was saying was there comes a time for dad to back off. And there is wisdom in that. And I think that we as parents can make it easier for our children when we find the place to cut the apron strings. Now, I didn't say a lot about sometimes we are tempted as parents to give things to our children. [00:34:05] And I think there's room for that to help our children get a start, if you please. And if that wasn't what you experienced, that's all right. I'm not saying something against that. However, I think that thing can be overdone. I think we need to find a balance. And the best thing that we can give our children is we can encourage them to cultivate a right relationship with the Lord. [00:34:37] and then I think we can encourage them to be people that are willing to or are able to function well when they get away from mom and dad and by doing that I think they need to instill a certain amount of independence in them a certain amount of, well, that kind of thing happens maybe we should just leave that But I think there is a balance in most of the things about parenting, perhaps as many other things. [00:35:10] And may God help us to find that balance so that we have families that bring honor and glory to God. And so that people can see that's something that I would like to pattern after. May God help us to have those kinds of homes. Shall we kneel and pray?