Transformed Relationships

[00:00:00] This audio sermon is provided by AnabaptistSermons.com and may be freely copied and distributed. You may not sell or edit this sermon. Our prayer is that you would be blessed by this ministry. I don't know if you've ever stopped and just considered how it would be if we'd all be exactly alike. How would you know who's who if we'd all be exactly alike? We'd have some difficulties. [00:00:32] But the value is in more than just recognition. And that fits in well with some of the things that we are thinking about talking about this morning. I'd like to turn to the book of Romans in the 12th chapter, which is a scripture that we're not thinking of this scripture necessarily just in light of what it was often used for then. But I'd like to think about transformed relationships. A few weeks ago we talked about the fall of man. [00:01:07] How that between God and man when Adam sinned there was a great divide created. Man lost that image of God that we carry in the original creation. And then thinking about the restoration. I think we alluded to the way that man can again regain an image of God and be God-like in his relationship and in his behavior and other ways. [00:01:38] We're not going to think much more about that, but I'd like to read here and think about the transformed relationship as it relates between man and man, person and person. Not only did man lose his relationship with God through the fall, but it's very obvious soon after creation we find that man and man lost their relationship. Things just didn't go very well. First thing you know, Abel was killed by his brother Cain. [00:02:12] and the relationships broke down so that the wickedness of men grew to the point where God said, I'm sorry I made this earth. I'm sorry I made these people. And he decided to destroy the world through the flood. So having said that, let's read in verse 1 of chapter 12 of Romans, the first five verses, and then we'll skip down and read a few more. I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service, [00:02:50] and be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say through the grace given unto me to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, But to think soberly according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith For as we have many members in one body and all members have not the same office So we being many are one body in Christ and everyone members one of another [00:03:24] Verse 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love In honor preferring one another Let's go on over to verse 14 Bless them which persecute you, bless and curse not, rejoice with them that do rejoice, weep with them that weep, be of the same mind one toward another Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate, be not wise in your own conceits [00:03:57] Recompense to no man evil for evil, provide things honest in the sight of all men If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Therefore, if thine enemy hunger, feed him. If he thirsts, give him drink. For in so doing, thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. [00:04:32] Now, at the outset, I'd like to say that it took the same remedy for man and man's relationship to be restored as it took for the great rift between God and man to be restored. It takes something more than man can come up with in order to have transformed relationships. When we talk about relationships, We're not thinking this morning just about the absence of contention. [00:05:03] It is possible for people to live together, to get along with each other to a certain measure without quarreling. I guess it is. At least in a good measure. People can live together and somehow not have very great conflicts. But isn't it true? Don't we all also understand, I'm sure we do, that you can live that way together without really having a meaningful relationship. [00:05:34] We're talking this morning about transformed relationships. Relationships that are meaningful, that are intimate, that are worthwhile. It is very easy, it is very common as well that we get together and we interact, but how much of our interaction really meets the need of the human creation? We can talk about the weather, we can talk about our jobs, we can talk about cars, we can talk about ball games, 101 other topics. [00:06:15] And then we can go our separate ways and the question is, did we really have fellowship? Did we meet each other on a level that is meaningful, that is fulfilling, that is worthwhile? Now, an interesting thing in the scripture is that our relationship with God in a large measure is lived out on our relationship horizontally. [00:06:49] John wrote in the first epistle, if a man say I love God and hated his brother, he wasn't very tactful. He said he's a liar. He's a liar. And he said, how can a man love God whom he has not seen? How can a man love his brother? No, how can a man love God whom he has not seen if he doesn't love his brother whom he does see? How do you love this God that we say we love? [00:07:22] We're God's child and we have fellowship with God. And then be careless about our relationship with people. He was implying that you really can't do that. Matthew, the 25th chapter, we have these people at the end raising the question. When did we serve our fellow man? When did we not serve our fellow man? Jesus says, inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, you've done it to me. In other words, our relationship, our service, our interaction with God largely is lived out this way. [00:08:01] And John puts it in perspective when he said what he did. We find in 1 Corinthians that it was necessary for Paul to exhort the brethren way back in the early days of the early church. Maybe I should read that. 1 Corinthians, the first chapter, when Paul was writing to the Corinthians, he exhorted them. Verse 10 he says, [00:08:32] Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. Because he said he heard that things weren't going so well in the Corinthian church. It seems like it's a subject that we stand in need of encouragement time and again. It's not something that's automatic. I think all of us recognize that this relationship issue is not something that happens by itself, [00:09:11] but it is rather something that needs cultivation and other things. For this morning, I'd like to look at some things that I've discovered in the scriptures that I hadn't given so much thought to until recently that maybe are more on the negative side than what we want to look at. But I'm sure we're not going to get done with this subject this morning. Perhaps on another setting, we can talk about virtues that build brotherhood. [00:09:42] But for this morning I'd like to look at two other parts of this issue and the first one is what really is the basis or the cause of broken relationships and the second one is what are the results of broken relationships. I recognize that's the negative side somewhat. Before I talk about that more, I'd like to just read a number of scriptures that talk to us about this subject in a condensed form. [00:10:17] Mark the 12th chapter. Jesus said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. We can ask ourselves the question, how do I love myself? And if we're pretty high on the priority list and on the affection list, then he's saying that's the way to love your fellow man. Romans the 12th chapter verse 10, he says, be kindly affection one to another in honor, preferring one another. [00:10:48] Who should be number one? Who is number one in our life? relationships that amount to something that are the upbuilding kind and are the kind where my brother comes before me not I before he like the little song that we sing how is it? Jesus first, yourself last, others in between others before me Romans the 12th chapter again he says [00:11:20] If it be possible, if it be possible, as much as lieth within you, live peaceably with all men. Can you think of anything that's more unsettling than a situation where you try to be at peace with a brother. You know things didn't go so well and you try to make restoration. But somehow you just can't get together. That is an unsettling situation. [00:11:52] Maybe that's why Paul said, If it be possible, or in as much as it is possible. In other words, do everything we can, because I don't know anyone, I know in my own experience at least, any time when there's a broken relationship, there is something down on the inside that just does not work well. Just does not feel right. So he says, it's worth and it's necessary, it requires that we do everything we can. [00:12:25] How much can be done? Perhaps when there are broken relationships, it's good to just stop and consider. Is there anything that I have not done? Is there any ground I have not covered? Until then, we cannot really say that we are free. Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God I think we were told already this morning that love and sacrifice really go together Was it in our Sunday school class or up front here? I don't remember [00:12:58] But the thought was given Love and sacrifice are run parallel if they're not synonymous They fit together And again he says in Philippians the second chapter let nothing be done through strife or vain glory gives you some clues about some things through strife or vain glory focusing on self but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves [00:13:29] then he says in Hebrews yet that passage that is a very strong statement again follow peace with all men and holiness what else? without which no man shall see the Lord. That's a pretty definitive statement. Follow peace with all men and holiness without which no man shall see the Lord. No wonder there's an unsettledness [00:14:02] and an unrest in the human breast when there is conflict. Because it is a description of a relationship that is broken this way as well as this way. Now, having said that, let's notice some scriptures this morning that tell us something about the root issues that cause broken relationships. A broken relationship is like the branches of a tree. [00:14:40] The broken relationships, contention, is not the real issue. It's what I hear the Bible say. Contention is not the real issue. It is rather a symptom than a cause. Now, let's see what the Bible says. Proverbs has much to say about this subject. Let's go back to Proverbs, the 10th chapter, in verse 12. and see what some of these root issues are when there are broken relationships. [00:15:15] We're not going to cover them all. I'm sure I don't have them all. I didn't try to get every possible cause. And again I would say that sometimes there are those frustrating situations where a person possibly, probably has done all that he knows to do and things still aren't quite all the way where he would like to see them. But that's kind of far down the list of things to look at. [00:15:49] Let's notice where these things come from. Proverbs the 10th chapter in verse 12, he says, Hatred stirreth up strifes. What is the root issue? It's not hatred. And that's what John says in the epistle as well. It has been said, thou shalt not kill, but I say unto you, if somebody doesn't love his brother, we don't hate him, we just don't love him very much. [00:16:25] Same thing. Hatred stirreth up strife. Proverbs the 13th chapter. In verse 10, only by pride cometh contention, but with the well-advised is wisdom. If there is contention, what does it say here? Now the King James reads a little different than other translations I've noticed. [00:17:01] This is pretty exclusive here, or conclusive. Only by pride. In other words, this could very well be read and understood in the King James Version that whenever there is contention, somewhere back there, there is a spirit of pride. You see, we come back to the creation of mankind by God in His image. There was a relationship. What happened in the fall? [00:17:32] Man made that choice to take it into his own initiative in his own option to decide what is right and wrong. That is the spirit of pride that I am the one that is right. Those that disagree with me are wrong. What is that if it's not pride? Only by pride cometh contention. Usually. Well, the Bible says only in King James. That would mean always, doesn't it? [00:18:03] Now, other translations don't use that word only. But it is a very real part of contention is that spirit of pride. Self being the one that makes all the calls. I'm right, you don't understand. And such likes. Proverbs, the 20th chapter. We go still further. We find some other thing. He that goeth about as a tail-bearer revealeth secrets, therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. [00:18:40] Now in Spanish it says a little different. It's an interesting term. El que tiene lengua floja. I didn't know there was such a verse in the Bible. But that simply means he that has a loose tongue. Gives you the idea, you know how our tongues are. They're fastened only on one end. They're pretty loose. He that has a loose tongue, don't meddle with him. Isn't it true that many of life's conflicts are the result of tailbearing? [00:19:14] Or another word that sounds maybe worse is gossiping. Just plain talking about things without having an intention or a goal of edifying or building up. Just saying it for saying it. And sometimes we even say, well, maybe I shouldn't say this, but we say it. Wouldn't that be a good indicator for direction in life that if the thought comes to us that we should probably not say it, we probably shouldn't. [00:19:46] And that just means all we have to do to not say it is close our mouth. But that's a hard thing to do because the tongue is loose. James writes much about this that often contributes to contention again for that reason we say contention is really not the issue a broken relationship is really not the issue there are other underlying causes and if we are involved in a broken relationship or if we don't have a close relationship [00:20:19] it's good to check out these things again in Proverbs 29 29 in verse 22. In a way, I'm sorry to read all these negative thoughts that talk about what really is behind these issues. 29 verse 22 says like this, An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. [00:20:50] Could it be that often these contentions are the result of anger? More than just personality clashes, more than just differences of opinions, but there's an angry heart somewhere. At least that's one of the reasons that the scriptures point out. In Acts, we read in the 13th chapter that the reason that the Jews were against Paul and stirred up strife [00:21:21] is because there was envy in their heart. Envy is a very basic cause of contention. One is jealous of another. It would never do to say that I envy you. It would never do to say I am jealous over you. But the fact often is that that is really the issue. It is often not the thing that is presented as causing division that really is the cause, but it's the envy in the heart that creates those things. [00:21:52] And then there is this thing of sin that is covered in our life. Now what is more natural to man than if he has some wrong in his own life and somebody else has wrong in his life, To quick pounce on that other man's wrong, it's kind of trying to take care of my need without dealing with it. Covered sin is a root of contention, broken relationships. Well, those are some of the ugly things that go with contention. [00:22:27] And whenever there is contention, we all know about that. Whenever there is a broken relationship, it just drains the spiritual vitality. It just hinders in our life. So let's look a little bit at some of the results that the scriptures talk about. I thought perhaps this was one of those messages that all I should do is read scriptures. Because there are those things that speak to us out of the scripture. John the 13th chapter. [00:22:59] Looking now at some of the results of a broken relationship. 13 verse 34 A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. Now that was the new commandment that summed up a whole host of the old commandment. Then he says, By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another. There is a ringing testimony that goes out when brethren love the brethren. [00:23:33] When people love each other. What speaks more strongly than that? Something that spoke to my heart one time when Jamin shared with us here as a congregation. Some of the things that he was facing in life. Some of the questions that he struggled with. And then his mother was in an accident. And when he saw the support of the church, it was a resounding testimony. I've used that illustration before in places as a message that speaks. [00:24:07] What speaks louder than love in expression? It is something that has a magnitude that all the words that a preacher can say cannot approach to. when you see brethren loving each other. Now if it is true that when brothers love each other that it's a testimony that goes out, then it is also true in the reverse. That when that love is not forthcoming, [00:24:38] it ruins the testimony. A broken relationship is a ruination to the testimony of God's people about God. It brings blight on the name of Jesus. People say, if that's the way the Christians live, then I want no part of it. But the positive side is, that if that's the way Christians live, that's where I want to be. This old world out here, where I'm at, is not a very pleasant place to be. [00:25:10] That's what he is saying in Romans the 12th chapter now. When he comes back, and that's more for the last part of this message. But he says, don't be conformed to this world This world has all kinds of social interaction And that's one of the reasons that we believe that in a brotherhood Our interaction exceeds social fellowship It goes deeper It means that we still need to relate together when things don't always come out at the same point [00:25:41] When we don't all see it alike When we are different in our personalities and so on and I found it very interesting in Romans the 12th chapter when he says be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God then the next thing he does he comes right following that with the fact that if we have a relationship with God we lose our individualism we become a part of a body [00:26:13] he says you're one body We all belong to each other. How many of us could really succeed in life if we were the only one on the earth? We would be bankrupt. Socially, emotionally, spiritually, in every which way. But because we are a part of the human race, of which, thank God, a part are a brotherhood. [00:26:44] We have a strength to face life that is unknown otherwise. Just again, it was said of a person in the hospital recently that that person can be released early because they see the support group that is there with them. Whereas some people are there and nobody ever shows up. It ruins a testimony if a relationship is broken. And at best, if the relationship is just distant, if it is superficial, it is not satisfying. [00:27:23] But the relationships that really count is where our hearts blend together. We said numerous times when we were gone for six years from the congregation, that before we went, we could sense not only the facial features, we didn't know only the tone of the voice, But you could sense a heartbeat. But then we came back to those people that we knew the best of all people. We no longer knew their heartbeat. We were out of circulation. It's the heartbeat that we're talking about this morning. When we know each other's heartbeat, where are we at in our walk through life, in our journey through life? What's happening? Brethren, it's a real mistake and we withhold people at arm's length, the greatest loss is mine if I do that. [00:28:21] If I hold you at a distance, if I don't let you in. Well, that's another thing that causes broken relationships is fear. The Bible says, perfect love casteth out fear. There is no fear in love, the scriptures say. But sometimes we are afraid to get too close for fear that we might be disappointed or let down or maybe something's discovered we don't want discovered. But he who loses most is he who holds the other person at arm's length. [00:28:56] This is a matter of a close relationship, a transformed relationship. You know, there's something so refreshing about coming to a person who is just honest in life. Nothing to hide. Oh, you just feel at rest there. And that's the way it is with our Lord. He shared with us his heart. And when we share our heart with him, Paul's whole emphasis in Romans was to show us how lost we are and what a great salvation is ours. [00:29:30] And then if we are transformed, notice he does not say, he does not hint at the idea that be not conformed to this world, but be ye reformed. He doesn't even hint at that idea. He says transform, start over a new heart, a new life, where we have different motives, we have nothing more to hide, because we've already put it all out. you cannot be saved unless you come to the end of yourself [00:30:03] that's what he's saying in a sense and you recognize your need of a savior we're all under sin and then we're transformed as we give recognition to that and we confess just like the publican I think that was a very valid prayer he may not have even been able to think of all the wrongs that he did But one thing he saw that day that was so imperative, that was not just the wrongs that he did, but the wrong of his heart. [00:30:36] It was the sin, not only the sins. And so he said, God, be merciful to me, a sinner. And without that experience, a man is not ready to meet God. We have to come to that place of brokenness so we can be transformed. God is not going to take a group of reformed people to heaven. They must be transformed. We must be transformed. So, the result of a broken relationship is a ruined testimony. [00:31:12] The result of a broken relationship is a hindrance in our devotional life. If it's a relationship that's broken between husband and wife. Peter wrote and he said that the husband should live with their wives according to knowledge that their prayers be not hindered. Prayers are hindered. Jesus spoke about the man in Matthew 5 that went to make a sacrifice. Maybe he was going to go to the mission field. Maybe he was going to have a prayer meeting. He doesn't say what. But he said, if you're going to do that, and there you remember that somebody has something against you, hold everything. Stop it all. First be reconciled. Then come. [00:31:58] the idea was good the mission was good the service that was rendered might have been good the sacrifice was fine but unless there is a relationship with God's people God has not chosen to save only one God has chosen and he has placed in the body like he says in 1 Corinthians 12 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, placed into one body, brought under the authority of one body, and there we thrive. [00:32:41] It is there in Ephesians the second chapter in the last verses where he says that we are built together as lively stones and have become an habitation of God through the Spirit. It is true that that's a personal relationship, but it is as well true that the spirit resides in the body, in the church, as we are built together. So it ruins not only our testimony, it hinders our devotional life, it hinders our prayers. I don't know, could we just simply say, might as well stop praying, let's try to pray and disregard a relationship. [00:33:21] Something like that is what the scripture says. And then again, it hinders ministry. In Matthew, the fifth chapter, where we refer to that, it dissipates joy and assurance. Let's look at 1 John, the third chapter. I don't know about you, but I know I've had enough experience with relationships that were not as they should have been that I know it's awful hard to have a heart overflowing with joy [00:33:53] in the midst of a broken relationship. 1 John 3 verse 14 We know that we have passed from death unto life because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. You know, where do we get assurance? Assurance is more than a feeling, isn't it? How do we know that we've passed from death to life? Well, in this case, he says, in other cases, he says, because we do his commandments. [00:34:28] We obey. That gives us assurance. We have a foundation. We have a reason to have assurance before God, not just because I have a nice, queasy feeling in here, but because we have some basis for our trust and our faith. We have obedience. In this case, he says, we have assurance in our heart. We know we've passed from death to life because we love the brethren. Now, that's not the superficial love that many think of. [00:35:01] But this is the kind of love that makes sacrifice, that gives, that esteems other better, that submits to, and does other things. broken relationships, dissipate, joy and assurance it weakens our strengths and our defenses 1 Corinthians, no pardon me, Mark it says if a house be divided against itself that house shall fall [00:35:31] fall I don't know who coined this phrase but it is very true united we stand, divided we fall that's so true when our hearts are together oh those people that suffered for their faith back in the Anabaptist days they were together they shared the anticipation of martyrdom or the expectation maybe we should say [00:36:02] of martyrdom together they shared those things they were a strength to each other they were together in it, they encouraged one another and they made it through singing as they went to the stake because they had support. They had a relationship. They were transformed. First of all, their relationship with God and then their fellow man. It deprives us of spiritual development. The whole idea in 1 Corinthians 12 and again in Romans 12 is that when we are transformed, [00:36:34] we become a part of this body. In both cases, he talks about the different functions of the body. One has the gift of giving, one has the gift of prophecy and the different gifts. Now think about what all we benefit from each other. Those men, those people that have the I can do it mentality, that are able on their own, don't know how much they shortchange themselves. Because there is not a person on the earth that is complete in all things. And if we fit ourselves into the body and we have a relationship, how much my brother can contribute to me. [00:37:13] How often are we blessed as we come together and as we are separate and as we call each other and as we visit each other and interact, how often are we blessed by the things that our brother contributes to our life. Sometimes it's a twinge of conscience. Sometimes it's an inspiration. sometimes it's the encouragement we need to keep on and a dozen and one other things that we receive from each other when relationships break down we remain underdeveloped [00:37:47] spiritual dwarfs we might say he says there if the whole were seeing where were the hearing? what if we could see ever so well but not hear? The little deaf children in El Salvador, they can see. They're very alert with their sight. But you can say anything behind their back you like. They don't know it. They can't hear. They're deprived. Or if everything we're hearing, where were the smelling, he says. [00:38:18] It is a real contribution in our lives when we have a relationship with each other. One other thing that I'm thinking of this morning as it relates to when relationships are not ideal. Again, we want to emphasize we're not talking this morning only about the absence of quarreling. quarreling but we're talking about a meaningful heartfelt interaction something that's intimate [00:38:51] where we know the heartbeat of each other when that happens if that is not there you know what often happens and I think it can has often led to the church problems that exist in times and that is the imagination runs wild when we don't know each other's heart we begin to think all kinds of things. That's why Paul said, love doesn't think any evil. It doesn't go by imagination. [00:39:22] I know there have been times at night when I struggled with imagination. I imagined the worst. And when I found out the truth, how stupid was my conclusion about myself. What What happens? That happens because we don't know. It keeps us guessing. When we open our hearts, you don't have to guess anymore. That's where there is fellowship that is edifying and up-building. [00:39:53] and that's what we really want as a brotherhood and as people and for that it takes the transformation of God's provision in Calvary for us but it's all there and it's meant to be experienced.